


The Potent Stench Of Corruption

by Smuppetsona (CarcharodonOrcinus)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Detectives, F/F, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 16:50:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9558011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarcharodonOrcinus/pseuds/Smuppetsona
Summary: Crocker Corp. was up to no good, and Terezi could smell it from a mile away, several thousand miles even. All the way back in Troll kingdom, it reeked. She was determined to bust Jane Crocker's crackpot schemes before anyone got hurt.





	

**Author's Note:**

> just a little oneshot for one of my favorite ships! happy femslash feb!

Lucky you, Jane Crocker has a very regular sleep pattern. You’ve been casing her house for two weeks, sniffing out her daily routine, planning your very important (and totally in pursuit of justice) break-in, and tonight is finally the night. The night that you find the documents that will prove Crocker Corp.’s fishy misdeeds. Tonight, is that night.

You lick the bolt of her front door to determine its lockedness. _Sluuuuurp._ Oh yea, that’s way locked. Almost like she expects your intrusion. You will have to take an alternate path.

Tip-toeing sneakily, you make your way to her back door. You know her father’s office lies just down the hall so you will have to play this _very_ carefully.

You pound on the door and yell in a stern voice, _“OP3N UP, 1T’S 4 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR, 4NY R3FUS4L TO COMPLY W1LL B3 US3D 4G41NST YOU TO TH3 FULL3ST 3XT3NT OF TH3 L4W!!!”_

You can hear his human feet thudding towards the door, and you hear the chain on the door jangling as he unlocks it. The door swings open and you get a good whiff of the colorful interior of the house. Holy shit her house always smells so good.

“Hello Miss Pyrope. I wasn’t aware you and Jane had another game planned. She’s asleep now; should I wake her?”

“M1ST3R CROCK3R, 1 4M 4 R3SP3CT4BL3 PROF3SS1ON4L; 1 WOULD NOT G4TH3R 3VID3NC3 4G41NST 4 W4K1NG CULPR1T.”

He steps aside to let you in and says, “Alright, but please refrain from licking any portraits in the house.”

“1 M4K3 NO PROM1S3S.”

He sighs as you sneak off.

You creep up the stairs towards Jane’s office, pausing occasionally to lick the more colorful knick-knacks and pictures you pass. Two offices is a very suspicious number of offices, in your professional opinion. What kind of work is she doing that could not be done in _one_ office? Perhaps the kind of work _she wouldn’t want her lusus to know about?!_   The corporate corruption wafts off of her, mingling in with her sickly sweet scent. It’s a potent bouquet to get caught up in, and you can just barely smell it in this hall.

Her bedroom door is in front of you. She should be in there, sleeping. You wonder why it ever had to come to this.

You wanted to be friends when you met her. All that cherry red… How could you resist? How could you help but get a crush? She seemed so kind and a lot sharper than she let on at first. So much sharper. You never even got the chance to ask before she turned you down flat and tossed a cake in your face. Red velvet.You never vacillated so hard in your life.

And now you’re facing her bedroom, about to turn around and snoop through her files while she sleeps. You can’t help but feel she’s got something in store for you, but if you turn back now, you only give her another chance to best you. You turn to her office and nudge open the door.

The cherry reds and and cotton candy bubblegum blues hit you as you wedge yourself inside, but they’re muted in the dark, like a scratch-n-sniff sticker that’s just about been sniffed out. Quickly, you survey the room. Nothing smells out of place, but its hard to tell when all the colors are so muted.

You tip-toe carefully to the filing cabinet behind the desk. You memorized everything you could about this room any time you had the chance, and you’ve been having chances via stake-outs every night. You pull out your phone, turn on the camera, and reach for the top drawer, ready to snap those secret files.

_Whap!_

Someone grabs you by the wrist, stopping you in your tracks.

“What exactly do you think you’re doing, Ms. Pyrope?”

A lamp clicked, and colors flooded your nose. Jane was sitting in her desk chair.

You didn’t notice her sitting there. You smelt her going to bed earlier; she must’ve got up to ambush you when you broke in. You can’t believe you fell for such a simple ruse!

“OBV1OUSLY, 1′M COMP1L1NG 3V1D3NC3. YOU 4ND 1 BOTH KNOW TH3S3 4R3 PUBL1C R3CORDS YOU K33P H3R3.”

Her hand is firm on your wrist as she stands up and pulls you to face her. She’s much shorter than you, but you can feel her glaring up at you like she thinks it’s intimidating.

“Now, I’m no expert on Alternian legal customs, but this is my house, which lies squarely in the Human Kingdom and follows quite a few old Earth laws.”

“1′M NOT SUR3 1 UND3RST4ND YOUR THR34T. 3L4BOR4T3,” you command. You lean close to her, face to face, to remind her who the big one is here.

“What I mean is: Do you have a warrant, Legislacerator?” She’s close enough that you can feel her lashes flutter when she asks you.

“1′M NOT BOUND TO YOUR HUM4N CUSTOMS, CROCK3R. ONLY TO THE PURSU1T OF JUST1C3.” Her deep brown skin smells so sweet up close, and you can just catch the cherry off her glasses too.

Her grip tightens around your wrist, and she’s so close to you now she’s all you can smell. All those intoxicating colors are bouncing around inside your head.

“You _are_ bound to these customs so long as you are here. So don’t let me ever catch you snooping around my home with your nosy little snout without a warrant again, or I will tie you up in so much red tape, you’ll look like the aftermath of a fatal incident at the gift-wrapping factory” she rumbles, jabbing a finger into your chest, _“Understand?”  
_

You can’t resist any longer-–you open your trap and lick her face.

“HOW ABOUT YOU SHOW M3 TH3 B34UTY OF R3D T4P3 R1GHT NOW INST34D? 1T SOUNDS GR34T!”

Embarrassed and suddenly shy, red undertones blend into her dark skin in a gentle flush.

“You just can’t stay in character, can you, Terezi?” she scolds. But the hand on your wrist slides down into your own for you to hold, and its opposite is flat against your chest. She sighs, “But alright! If you want to jump the gun here, we can go back to my room.”

“UGH, YOU’R3 4DOR4BL3, 1′M C4RRYING YOU B3FOR3 YOU TRY TO K1LL M3 WITH TH4T S4PPY SH1T.”

She jumps into your arms and starts smooching up on your neck before you can even move. She is too fucking much. You have the worst possible kismesis.


End file.
